Sunday, May 26, 2013

Memorial Day

This is an original post from Powerful Intentions Blog.

As I enjoy a perfectly glorious day here in South Dakota, weather-wise, and having listened to President Obama address the Vietnam Vets at the Memorial Wall in Washington, I'm left with a mixed bag of Thoughts, Memories, and Feelings regarding what this day represents.

Like most of us here, I understand that War is part of the game we come here to play -- never mind whether we understand why we made such choices in the first place. We don't remember, quite deliberately, so we can fully believe in the reality of this Earth experience.

But we did, and we do.

It was fifty years ago that American troops were first committed to "the 'Nam". I was eight years old. I grew up with that war. I remembered my father's tales of Korea -- of which there were understandably only a few, and not very detailed. Over time, I came to realize he died there -- but it took him another twenty years to actually leave the planet. And I saw this same thing over and over again, in soldiers who managed to make it out of that jungle and return home.

Every thought you think, and every experience you have, literally re-wires the neural net in your physical brain, and changes your entire physiology as you adapt. Very soon, you are not the same person you were a little while ago. People thrust into horrifically violent circumstances like War change dramatically, and sometimes permanently. For some, there's no re-adaptation to a civilian environment when they leave the combat zone.

Sometimes it saddens me, but then I remind myself that, for whatever reasons, they chose these experiences. And I find myself thinking, if only they understood this -- if only EVERYONE understood this -- then a deliberate re-wiring to facilitate a satisfactory re-adaptaion would be much easier for them, and for everyone around them. They'd know it's just part of an interactive, 4-dimensional Time-Space Virtual Reality holographic "movie" we've all chosen, each with our own costumes and roles to play, and stories to express. And that when it's all over, we simply drop our costumes in the Recycle Bin ( read, "drop our bodies in a hole the ground" ) walk off the stage and go home.

So today, I honor these brave ones. My own sense of things is that I've already killed and been killed every which way there is, so this version of Me is sitting out the war games, even though I feel a strong attachment to those who participate. In my current reality, I wouldn't want to go through any of that again -- I've had enough.

But I empathize and resonate with those who do.

I'd like to share a verse with you that I wrote many years ago, which speaks to this. Some of my outlook has changed since then, of course -- but part of me still feels this way:


I remember Sixty-Four, didn't even know we were back at war, I was only ten.
Lost my dad the year before, though he'd still come knockin' on the door every now and then.
He tried his very best to explain, to dry my tears and ease my pain, but I was overwhelmed.
We heard Momma say "It's your own fault Wayne" as he and I stood in the pouring rain, and he looked like hell.

It was a mid-summer storm, and the raindrops were warm, but inside us both it was December.
Oh, yeah . . . I remember.

He told me of his combat days, tried to justify his drinkin' ways, and I tried to understand.
The war within himself he waged -- Fear and Horror, Pain and Rage -- he was a tortured man.
He knew his job was not yet done, knew my race was not yet run, I was in for a long fight,
And he feared for me, his only son, the war in Asia just begun, with no end in sight.

It was a mid-summer storm, and the tear-drops were warm, but inside was hail and wind and thunder.
Yeah, Daddy . . . I remember.

I remember Sixty-Nine, and one small step for Human-kind, but it stayed out there.
It was a terrible, turbulent time, seemed half the world had lost its mind, and the rest were too stoned to care.
The Johnson-Nixon war machine rolled across my TV screen -- y'know it made me sick!
How could something so obscene be justified by any means? Only in politics.

I sat and watched it all, knowing the mighty must soon fall, and I heard the sound of crashing timber.
Absent, fallen friends . . . thee I remember!

Daddy died in Seventy-Three, Mom re-married and forgot about me, so I just went away.
Hit the coast and went to sea -- seemed like the very best place for me, to live out where the Dolphins play.
I recalled a girl, and a child she bore . . . heard the Raven quoth "Nevermore" but she's mine, I feel it's true;
Now life has another job in store, but one day I'll go back through that door. Li'l darlin', I'm comin' for you!
I drift among my dreams, knowing nothing's as it seems, but inside, a hopeful, glowing ember.
Yeah, baby . . . I remember!
Like Thanksgiving, this day is only significant to Americans. Yet I would offer the idea that, whoever you are and wherever you live, it's a good day to honor the memory of anyone and everyone who has ever meant anything to you and/or your loved ones, for whatever reasons.

Happy Memorial Day!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Mark Twight Gives You Life Advice

This article, by Mark Twight, was taken from the Gym Jones website I edited as much of the bad language as possible without comprimising the important points made using colorful expletives. As with anything in Life, take what applies and filter out what doesn't.


By Mark Twight

What's your problem? I think I know. You see it in the mirror every morning: temptation and doubt hip to hip inside your head. You know it's not supposed to be like this. But you drank the Kool-Aid and dressed yourself up in someone else's life.

You're haunted because you remember having something more. With each drag of the razor you ask yourself why you piss your blood into another man's cup. Working at the job he offered, your future is between his thumb and forefinger. And the necessary accessories, the proclamations of success you thought gave you stability provide your boss security. Your debt encourages acquiescence, the heavy mortgage makes you polite.

Aren't you sick of being tempted by an alternative lifestyle, but bound by chains of your own choosing? Of the gnawing doubt that the college graduate, path of least resistance is the right way for you - for ever? Each weekend you prepare for the two weeks each summer when you wake up each day and really ride, or climb; the only imperative being to go to bed tired. When booming thermals shoot you full of juice and your Vario shrieks 7m/sec, you wonder if the lines will pop. The risk pares away life's trivia. Up there, sucking down the thin cumulus, the earth looks small, the boss even smaller, and you wish it could go on forever. But a wish is all it will ever be.

Because the ground is hard. Monday morning is harsh. You wear the hangover of your weekend rush under a strict and proper suit and tie. You listen to NPR because it's inoffensive, PFC: Politically F-ing Correct. Where's the counter-cultural righteousness that had you flirting with Bad Religion and the vintage Pistols tape over the weekend? On Monday you eat frozen food and live the homogenized city experience. But Sunday you thought about cutting your hair very short. You wanted a little more volume and wondered how out of place you looked in the Sub Pop Music Store. Flipping through the import section, you didn't recognize any of the bands. KMFDM? It stands for Kill Mother F-ing Depeche Mode. Didn't you know? How could you not?

Tuesday you look at the face in the mirror again. It stares back, accusing. How can you get by on that one weekly dose? How can you be satisfied by the artifice of these experiences? Why should your words mean anything? They aren't learned by heart and written in blood. If you cannot grasp the consciousness-altering experience that real mastery of these disciplines proposes, of what value is your participation? The truth is pointless when it is shallow. Do you have the courage to live with the integrity that stabs deep?

Use the mirror to cut to the heart of things and uncover your true self. Use the razor to cut away what you don't need. The life you want to live has no recipe. Following the recipe got you here in the first place:

Mix one high school diploma with an undergrad degree and a college sweetheart. With a whisk (or a whip) blend two cars, a poorly built house in a cul de sac, and fifty hours a week working for a board that doesn't give a shit about you. Reproduce once. Then again. Place all ingredients in a rut, or a grave. One is a bit longer than the other. Bake thoroughly until the resulting life is set. Rigid. With no way out. Serve and enjoy.

"You see your face reflected there in a sweating brow, you hate what you see, but what can be done when there's no way out, no way out?"
The Chameleons, "Intrigue in Tangiers"

But there is a way out. Live the lifestyle instead of paying lip service to the lifestyle. Live with commitment. With emotional content. Live whatever life you choose honestly. Give up this renaissance man, dilettante bullshit of doing a lot of different things (and none of them very well by real standards). Get to the guts of one thing; accept, without reservation or rationalization, the responsibility of making a choice. When you live honestly, you can not separate your mind from your body, or your thoughts from your actions.

"If you really want to hurt them and their children not yet born tell them the truth always".
Henry Rollins, from the book See a Grown Man Cry

Tell the truth. First, to yourself. Say it until it hurts. Learn the reality of your own selfishness. Quit living for other people at the expense of your own self, you're not really alive. You live in the land of denial - and they say the view is pretty a long as you remain asleep.
Well it's time to WAKE THE F- UP!

So do it. Wake up. When you drink the coffee tomorrow, take it black and notice it. Feel the caffeine surge through you. Don't take it for granted. Use it for something. Burn the Grisham books. Sell the bad CDs. Mariah Carey, Dave Mathews and N Sync aren't part of the soundtrack where you're going.
Cut your hair. Don't worry about the gray. If you're good at what you do, no one cares what you look like. Go to the weight room. Learn the difference between actually working out and what you've been doing. Live for the Iron and the fresh air. Punish your body to perfect your soul. Kick the habit of being nice to everyone you meet. Do they deserve it? Say "no" more often.
Quit posturing at the weekly parties. Your high pulse rate, your 5.12s and quick time on the Slickrock Trail don't mean shit to anybody else. These numbers are the measuring sticks of your own progress; show, don't tell. Don't react to the itch with a scratch. Instead, learn it. Honor the necessity of both the itch and the scratch. But a haircut and a new soundtrack do not a modern man make. As long as you have a safety net you act without commitment. You'll go back to your old habits once you meet a little resistance. You need the samurai's desperateness and his insanity.

Burn the bridge. Nuke the foundation. Back yourself up against a wall. Have an opinion one way or the other, get off the fence and rip it up. Cut yourself off so there is no going back. Once you're committed the truth will come out. You ask about security? What you need is uncertainty. What you need is confusion; something that forces you to reinvent yourself, a whip to drive you harder.

"I never try anything - I just do it. Want to try me?
White Zombie, sample from "Thunder Kiss"

In Dune, Frank Herbert called it "the attitude of the knife," cut off what's incomplete and say "now it has finished, for it has ended there." So finish it, and walk away, forward. Only acts undertaken with commitment have meaning. Only your best effort matters. Life is a Meritocracy, with death as the auditor. Inconsistency, incompetence and lies are all cut short by that final word. Death will change you if you can't change yourself.

"If I can change one, then I can change two. If I can change two, then I can change four. If I can change four, then I can change eight. If I can change eight, then I can change."
One Minute Silence, "If I Can Change"

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Doesn't Matter What You Do

By Jeannette Maw

Sometimes we get caught up in trying to decide what to do, analyzing which option is best.
  • Quit this job or stay put?
  • Stay in this relationship or get out?
  • Go ahead with this medical procedure or wait for another solution?
  • Spend this money now or save it for later?
It can be maddening when we don’t have strong guidance making it clear which is the best option.
That’s when I like to remember that it doesn’t matter what we do.
It only matters how we feel.
Because our world is unfolding according to our energy, not our action.
So even if I picked a “smart” action, if I continue doubting and second-guessing that action, that energy won’t lead to my highest success.
On the other hand, if I picked a ridiculous path that seems very unlikely to work out – if I feel confident and flow positive expectations about that decision, I’ll be better served than if I chose something out of fear or obligation.
It’s worth remembering next time you’re stuck in indecision wondering what the right thing to do is.
It’s also why it’s pointless to judge another’s action, since we don’t know what their vibration is around it. As in, maybe Angelina Jolie found her highest relief in having an elective double mastectomy. Whatever she feels best about is what works best for her. The same is true for each of us, even when we land on different answers.
There is no such thing as “right thing to do.” There is only “best way to feel.”
Which option makes it easier for you to feel good? Go with that one.
And then LET it be the right decision. Get on board with it and feel good about it, whichever you choose.
Because it’s those good vibes that make the difference.
It’s not what you do that counts; it’s how you feel.

*This is a direct copy and paste post from Jeannette Maw's blog,

Friday, May 17, 2013

A Shift In Perspective


On the plywood wall of my 7x7 'room' hangs my knee brace. I don't like my knee brace because it is a symbol of weakness. Or at least I used to tell myself that it was. That knee brace, along with my newly bum knee, was bringing me down. As long as I had a bum knee and an outward symbol of brokeness (knee brace), I was useless. But today I no longer feel that way.

Let's back track a few years to 2010. I was at the pinnacle of my professional and physical life, serving as the sniper section leader in a reconnaissance platoon during our year-long field trip to Afghanistan. At 33 years old, I was physically in the best shape of my life. Our platoon was highly successful in a military sense, just plain winning our little piece of the Global War On Terror. I had an identity, energy, and a sense of accomplishment. Little did I know that was about to change.

At the end of the deployment, I made the hard decision to leave the military after 14 years. It just didn't feel right any longer. After leaving the Army, I decided to work as a contractor in Baghdad. Training was going well until I decided to blow my knee out during the sniper course. I had no idea how bad it was, but I decided to drive on and limp my way to graduation. A few weeks later I was in Baghdad and my knee wasn't getting any better. After 8 1/2 months in Baghdad, I decided to take leave and get my knee checked out.

The doctor scoped my knee, cleaned up the loose cartilage under my kneecap and noticed that my ACL was loose. This explained why my knee was extremely unstable and felt like it was going to dislocate with every step. It was explained to me that since the ACL was not torn, it was best to leave it be and wear a brace. Oh, and by the way, you need to find a new line of work because the knee will never be 100% again, Thai.


I began to feel despair and hopelessness set in. And it took hold of me fast. What was I going to do? I don't have a piece of paper reflecting the fact that I had enough discipline to show up to class for four years! All I know how to do is lead Soldiers in combat and shoot a rifle long range! I began to dull these negative feelings by drinking too much, I felt worthless, and was basically a miserable person inside and out. The hole I dug for myself seemed way too high to climb out of.

Fast forward a few months and something awesome happened - I got a job interview! Through a chain of events and some networking, a good friend of mine tipped me off to a technology company I might be interested in. I sent in my resume and received an email the next day scheduling me for an interview. I didn't have much hope to pass the interview, being that the job was technical in nature and completely different from what I used to do. USED to do. That is key.

I got the job. In about a month I was going to Afghanistan, and I was happy that I was able to provide for my family again. I still feared failure because I was leaving my comfort zone job-wise. However, I was earning a paycheck and realizing that learning something new was completely awesome! Mastery of the Infantry and Sniper arts had been accomplished and I was stagnant in the Army, but now I am exposed to a completely new field of work! And furthermore, I'm pretty darn good at it.

The lesson I learned during this transitionary period in my life is that simply because my knee was damaged, the real me is not broken. I thought I was, but I'm not. The Army and everything I did was not the real me, it was simply what I did. It was hard to let go of my Army identity and stop feeling sorry for myself. I needed to move on and grow, and so far it's been an awesome experience. I keep learning, growing, and being a better person at peace with the path that lies ahead. Though I can never see more than 200 meters ahead into the future, I find myself excited by the unknown. Instead of worrying about money and the future, I just let it manifest. Slowly but surely, I am letting go of the control I craved in my life and just letting The Plan play out as it is supposed to. This shift in perspective makes all the difference in the world. I am finding out who the real me is.

Today I am happier with my life than I have been in a VERY long time. I see things differently. Hardships and adversities are no longer complete road blocks stopping me from reaching my goals, but rather a lesson to be learned and perhaps a detour to where I am supposed to eventually end up in life. And those hardships and adversities are much easier to negotiate these days.


Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Peace In The Middle Of Social Media Domination

Social Media vs. Your Inner Peace

Yeah, you probably found this blog via Facebook. After sifting through and probably 'liking' all the Grumpy Cat and Benghazi memes, you made the effort to click the link to this page. After reading about Angelina Jolie and her preventative double mastectomy, you are now here. And I thank you for coming to read my ramblings. I really do.
As social media rapidly becomes our source for all 'information' (whether we like it or not), do you ever sit back and question how the content on your news feed makes you feel? I mean REALLY feel, from the 'lol' you post on a picture or meme you think is mildly entertaining, to the politically or religiously offensive post your friend shared. As you scroll down the page, you are taking in loads of crap which, whether you know it or not, is affecting your well-being.
Sure, depending on your individual taste, that meme really COULD make you laugh. Or make you angry. And if you feel that post is worth sharing, you risk putting out content which could seriously ruin another person's day. But why is that? Why should we tip-toe around the internet and refrain from reposting things you find awesome simply because someone else might be profoundly offended? Why can't they just lighten up?
Because we are all different. But we are also the same. We all want happiness, some of us are just fooled into believing that awesomely offensive memes make us feel good. They really don't. All of that negative energy manifests into ugliness - depression, hatred, horrible outlook on life, physical illness, lethargy, and various other very real conditions.
I know, you are calling bullshit. And that's fine. I don't expect everyone to agree with me. Most of you who are reading this are Type A snake-killers and baby-eaters, 'obligated' by your Ego to be as abbrasive and hardcore as possible. You probably won't get it. It's not that you are not smart enough to get it, it's just that you are not ready. But if you are a Type A snake-killing, baby-eating Apex Warrior who is struggling with depression, substance abuse, anxiety, anger (or anger addiction) etc., then I really do hope you are able to be more open to this.
IF you want to live a happier existence, free from the clutter and negativity of social media, do this -
  • Unlike all the negative/offensive Facebook pages you think you enjoy
  • Treat people better - Be the change you want to see in the world
  • Find the positive in every negative situation. Then focus on the positive
  • Spend less time online and more time with friends and family
  • Quit trying to acquire more 'things' and enjoy the stuff you have
  • Be open to these weirdo concepts I'm talking about. I promise you won't lose you Man Card

I don't have all the answers, and never will. If you can think of more ways to improve your life (on social media and otherwise), please comment below. Good, bad, positive, negative - I accept all comments and criticizm. It helps me grow.

These are just my quick thoughts as I sit here trying to avoid doing some real work. Or perhaps the REAL work is getting the word out and trying to help the people I really care about? I am learning and growing, finding peace through awareness and conscious actions and thoughts. And it helps. Believe in yourself and know that God and His Universe really does have a plan for you. And in hindsight, that path has always been perfect. As will the future.



Monday, May 13, 2013

Man Card Monday - Tips for maintaining accountability of Manliness

The Old-Fashioned

Old-Fashioned. What you should be drinking

Cocktails. Yeah, I know - 'Those are for girls!'. Wrong. Do you like bourbon? Oh you do? Good. Keep reading. What's that? You don't like bourbon?? Hand over your Man Card right now and go back to playing Angry Birds on your super-cute iPad, because you obviously have zero taste. In the movie 'Team America: World Police', the good guys were on their way back from liberating the SHIT out of some foreign country and Spottswoode says 'Great job, team. Head back to base for debriefing and cocktails.' What kind of cocktails do kick-ass liberators of the already-free drink? That's right - The Old-Fashioned.
So what is an Old-Fashioned? A badass drink made with bourbon, bitters, sugar, orange peel, and sometimes a cocktail cherry. Here are a couple spins on the original recipe from Bourbon & Boots' website -
Cognac Old Fashioned
2.5 ounces VS (Very Special) or VSOP (Very Special Old Pale) Cognac
1 to 2 sugar cubes
1 bar spoon of water (about a teaspoon)
3 to 4 dashes Peychaud’s Bitters
1 wide orange peel for garnish
Standard bar ice
1 chunk ice
In a mixing glass, add the sugar cubes first, then the water, then the bitters. Use a bar spoon to stir these ingredients into a nice syrup. Add Cognac. Stir vigorously without ice until last of sugar begins to dissolve. Add bar ice and stir for 30 seconds. Put your nice large chunk of ice into an Old Fashioned glass, and strain the cocktail over it. Garnish with wide orange peel by twisting over the glass, and running around the rim. Place the peel on top of the ice and enjoy.

Modified Bourbon Old Fashioned
2 ounces bourbon
1 ounce Rothman & Winter Apricot Liqueur
2 dashes Angostura Bitters
Standard bar ice
1 chunk of ice
1 wide lemon peel
Combine the bourbon, Apricot Liqueur and bitters in a mixing glass with standard bar ice. Stir for 30 seconds. Strain over a large chunk of ice in an Old Fashioned glass. Garnish with 1 wide lemon peel. Enjoy.

"But bourbon should only be enjoyed one way - neat!" Whatever, save the 'neat' and 'sliver of ice' for the really good bourbon. I can agree on that. But if you have a random bottle of bourbon collecting dust in your bar, go ahead a make an Old-Fashioned. 

Is Your Ego Sabotaging Your Progress?

Here is a lazily-copy/pasted excerpt from a post on Deliberate Blog ( -

There is no damn Ego

Now, I know that this is a controversial statement. After all, if there is no ego, then who or what can we blame for all the sabotage? What exactly is the cause of all our greed and selfishness and evildoing? Of course the term Ego is simply a way of describing a phenomenon or set of behaviors and reactions that do exist, but I find this explanation outdated, misleading and quite destructive in many ways. The way that most people define and look at the ego usually leaves them feeling powerless (my ego keeps sabotaging me!). It’s also a bit of a throwback to the good vs. evil paradigm (the ego is often seen as our more evil side). Ego can be used to describe our “human” attributes, versus our “soul” attributes, with our human side being the broken, sinful one and our soul being virtuous and clean. To put it another way, there’s a lot of judgment in the way that most people look at the concept of the ego. And that, boys and girls, just won’t fly here, because judgment ultimately doesn’t serve us.

To read the entire article, click


Giving Away A Dollar A Day

'Making it Rain' With Less Pain

During my recent research into personal growth (which has been approached at numerous different

angles), I happened upon the current copy of Law of Attraction magazine.

As someone who has historically stressed himself out over money issues, I was happy to see that the

magazine contained several articles on the subject.

In particular, the article 'Path to Prosperity' by Jewels Johnson caught my interest with the concept

that 'giving away a dollar a day can transform your life'. What? Give away money, the one thing I'm

desperately trying to acquire?? Surely only the most wealthy and altruistic persons can afford to be so

foolish with their money! So I read on, open to the subject and intrigued by the concept.

The gist of the article is to give away one dollar a day, and benefit from the good that 'giving'

provides. Here is an excerpt from the article describing a gentleman named Todd Silva, the man

from Texas who created the website -

"Todd began telling me that in 2007, he was facing some real financial difficulties. It seemed like money was kept slipping through his fingers, and security was always out of reach. Todd became so obsessed about money, his reactions were overbearing. It was apparent to all that he was miserable. His fears became compounded by the thoughts of what would happen if he wasn't able to be a good provider. Life was not joyful when, with every waking moment, he worried about money."

What follows in the article is a fun and revealing read. It's amazing what can happen when you allow

God and His Universe to provide you with everything you need. And give a little.

Check out these websites for further information:,  and

 And be open to it, you carnivorous, Type-A, worrying-about-money goofballs!


Sunday, May 12, 2013

Confessions of a Recovering War Junkie

*Note - This is the first post to this blog, so I will attempt to keep it short for those of you who can
barely sit still long enough to read the latest The Duffel Blog post. Plus, I want you to come back again.
Combat.  To some, that word conjurs images they have seen of wars fought in faraway lands,
broadcast daily on CNN or Fox News since September 11th, 2001.  To others, the word 'Combat' 
will ellicit fond memories of Brotherhood, firefights won, and the incomparable high of an adrenaline
Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result. 
Soldiers come back from long tours of terrifying, adrenaline-infused combat and are happy to be
home. For a while, anyways.  Happy to see their family, get laid, eat their favorite food, drink far
too much (or not enough) liquor.  The excitement of returning from war temporarily replaces the
intense adrenaline high that combat provides. This fades quickly into a yearning for more
excitement and adrenaline 'fixes'.
Oftentimes the retuning soldier will purchase a motorcycle with his hard-earned, tax-free combat
pay. And drink too much. And speed. And die. All to recapture that combat adrenaline rush. In the
heroin world, this is called 'chasing the dragon'. The high you get in combat can only be replaced
with what? More combat.
Fighting. Out at the bar on a Friday night. It's crowded and you hate crowds because they have a
tendency to attract bullets, VBIEDs, gentlemen mingling with the crowd wearing suicide vests -
Crowds are shitty places to be. But you have your boys, and a buzz. And now the crowd makes
your PTSD flare up like a pack of hemorrhoids. Ah, yes! Excitement! Adrenaline! FIGHT!
Pro Tip - Stay the hell away from Walmart on the weekends.
This cycle is destructive, but you have to be willing to recognize this fact before you can change
Or hit rock-bottom. End up in prison with Bubba rocking YOUR bottom. But I digress.  Here are
some more Pro Tips to help you assimilate into society and not be that angry war vet.
  • Stop wearing MMA clothing. Your limited exposure to Modern Army Combatives and
          years of being a Tito Ortiz fan (plus that super-busy and blingy Tapout shirt) will not

         keep you from getting your ass handed to you. And no SnapBack hats. Ever.

  • Don't drink so much. And if you want to drink while watching UFC 576 this weekend,
          do it at your house with close friends. You and your friends will probably be sporting

         Affliction gear, and the patrons of Buffalo Wild Wings will laugh at you. Hard. Then

         you'll want to fight. It's a vicious cycle.


  • There's this thing called 'Adrenal Fatigue'. Guys who have been in high stress
          environments for long periods (like soldiers in combat) often have adrenal fatigue

          but are rarely diagnosed. Causes depression, lethargy (dragging ass, for all you weirdo

         knuckle-dragging Infantrymen out there), low testosterone, and other symptoms. Can only

         feel energized after that 2 1/2 gallon can of Monster energy drink? It's because your adrenal

         glands are running on empty. More on Adrenal Fatigue -

Everyone knows you are a war hero - you personally shot Bin Laden, ate babies and killed snakes

while you were in the Middle East. We get it. You are the archetypal Sheepdog badass who enters

 an Afghan village screaming 'WHERE'S THE BABIE'S ROOM!". Well even the most awesome war

 heroes lose it at times. Look at Rambo - He was obviously depressed and decided that his happiness

 would be somewhere in the Pacific Northwest (or in his duffel bag, probably buried at the bottom

 underneath all the unecessary gear he had to pack as per the Packing List). He probably should have

 moved somewhere sunny and less emo, especially since he was on foot.

Rambo had a classic case of 'Don't Go To Walmart On The Weekendsitis'.

Enjoy the great memories and have fun NOT living in shitty conditions. But be honest with

yourself and get some help if you need it. Remove your Ego from the equation and do some

maintenance on yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. Oh, and MMA clothing makes you

look like a douche. Burn them. Burn them all.